Love and Chocolate

Holing up in the kitchen as an act of stubborn joyfulness

Wellness month. That is what I renamed February, maybe fifteen years ago, when the end of January found me exhausted and ragged, with a story assignment that was late, three young kids and a spouse travelling for work. The driveway was full of snow, the sink was full of dishes. Stuff was growing at the back of the fridge.

Looking back, I see I was manifesting — trying to create what I needed by naming it. With the weight of burnout pressing down on me, even trips to the grocery store were tiring, but along came February — the month of love! — and I wondered if I could somehow turn that love inward.

I got the story done and stepped off the freelance treadmill for a few short weeks. Next I wrote out a list of small indulgences to make me feel good: daily yoga and short, early morning meditations; a truly great smelling candle (as opposed to what I would call a smelly candle); balls to roll on for self massage; a pedicure and a series of perfect lattes with close friends. When my travelling spouse came back, I looped him into the wellness plan for February over a bottle of crémant, and postponed (or possibly sidestepped) the usual tension over his re-integration. We would be extra nice to ourselves, and to each other. There would be hot showers with essential oils, good wool socks, and fires in the fireplace.

And, of course, chocolate. Valentine’s Day was redundant because I made chocolate fudge and iced chocolate brownies and a Jamie Oliver recipe called Chocolate Pots all month long. Somewhere along the way there appeared a box of exquisite salted caramels from my favourite chocolatemaker.

As the sun comes up over a very snowy February Sunday, I’m thinking about those wellness months of years past. My daily life is easier than it was when my kids depended on me for everything, and the freelance hustle had given way to my book, How to Share an Egg — a difficult but wildly gratifying project that resulted, after almost five years, in an actual launch last month. But, as I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, the news is simply insane, and reading it, a person can very quickly move from open-hearted empath to basket case.

I am getting better at knowing when to put down my phone and head to the kitchen, in search of a little joy. It’s a path well worn by the food writers who figured this out before me:

Dorie Greenspan

and

Ruth Reichl

, Laurie Colwin, Ina Garten, Elizabeth David and MFK Fisher, as well as wonderful peers such as

Leah Koenig

and

Alissa Timoshkina

and

Prompts From Paris

, whom I’ve lately been getting to know.

Should you wish to give wellness month a whirl, here are two candles I happen to like (so individual!) nice Icelandic socks, exquisite caramels and Jamie Oliver’s Chocolate Pots. And from my own kitchen, those iced brownies, my baba’s, easy and simple and oh yes — I really can’t avoid saying it — loaded with love.

Baba’s Brownies

1/4 lb. unsalted butter

1 cup granulated sugar

2 large eggs

2 squares (ounces) unsweetened Baker’s chocolate (or equivalent) melted

1/2 cup flour

pinch of salt

1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 325 F. Cream butter and sugar together in an electric mixer. Beat eggs lightly and add to butter mixture. Add melted chocolate, flour, salt and nuts.

Bake in greased or parchment lined 8 x 8 Pyrex pans for 20-30 minutes. (I like my brownies a little underbaked. Use a toothpick to help you decide.)

While brownies are in the oven, make the icing:

2 tbsp unsalted butter

1 cup icing sugar

2 tbsp cocoa

1 tsp pure vanilla extract

1 tbsp +2 tsp hot water

Combine butter and icing sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer. Add cocoa, vanilla and 1 tbsp hot water. Add remaining hot water, as needed, to make a thick icing.

Ice brownies when cool (but not cold) and cut into generous squares. Happy wellness month!