Camera Shy

On author photos, childhood dreams and pumpkin-spice cookies

“Sooner or later, you’re going to have to turn the camera on yourself.” I was at one of the professional development seminars Penguin Random House runs for its authors, and the young, best-selling self-help writer was giving advice on how to start a Substack, of all things. Can I tell you I was slightly horrified?

I didn’t think she was wrong; in fact, I was quite sure she was right. It’s just that I don’t like having my picture taken; don’t love selfies. Generally speaking, I’d rather show you what I’m looking at than be looked at myself. I’m a little allergic to being the object of the gaze — I’m going to chalk it up to too much feminist film theory in university.

But we live in an era Laura Mulvey couldn’t have predicted, and I needed a photo for the back of the book. So, hiring the best people photographer I could find (hello Kayla Rocca) I put on clean clothes and smiled; smiled at the accomplishment of finishing the book; smiled at the wonder of being ready to send this thing into the world.

How to Share an Egg: A True Story of Hunger, Love and Plenty will be published in three months and four days (click here to pre-order in Canada and here to pre-order in the US) and I’m still smiling. I’m trying to think of a fresh way to say the book is the realization of a dream I’ve had since I was thirteen years old, but maybe that’s the best way to say it. The truest way.

There are more photos from that session with Kayla, but one is enough for today, probably more than enough, and I said there would be cookies. So here they are, a deep and spirited collab between my Maya and me — she of the pumpkin spice and me of the brown butter. Last weekend we made a small batch as a test, but I would scale this recipe up to double or triple next time, with or without the hazelnuts, as you prefer. The cookies are toasty and chewy and warmly spicy — the epitome of autumn. Plus, easy to look at, even for me. Especially for me. Happy fall, everyone. I hope you enjoy.

Brown Butter Pumpkin Spice Cookies

1/2 cup unsalted butter, browned slowly over low heat (it took about 10 minutes)

1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar

1/4 cup white sugar, plus 1 tbsp for finishing

1 egg at room temperature

1 tsp pure vanilla

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp kosher salt, plus a bit of Maldon or another flaky salt for finishing

3/4 tsp pumpkin spice

1/2 cup chopped toasted hazelnuts, if desired

While waiting for butter to cool, combine brown and white sugars (except the 1 tbsp) in a large work bowl. When butter is the temperature of bathwater, pour over sugars and mix with an electric mixer. Add egg and vanilla and mix until well combined and lighter in colour. 1 - 2 minutes.

In a separate bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, kosher salt and pumpkin spice. Add dry ingredients to butter, sugar and egg mixture on low speed and mix until just combined. Add nuts if using and mix with a wooden spoon until incorporated.

Chill dough in refrigerator for at least 30 minutes. (Maya insisted and Maya was right.) Preheat oven to 375F. Using two spoons or an ice cream scoop, portion out balls of dough, roll them quickly in your hands and then in the reserved 1 tbsp sugar. Place on greased baking sheet with lots of room in between and bake in the centre of oven for 9-11 minutes, turning once halfway through. Sprinkle with flaky salt while still warm.

Transfer to a wire rack to cool and repeat with remaining dough. Makes about 15 small, delicious cookies.